A Leftist’s Defense of Donald Trump’s Coup Attempt (Also Ranking the Top Five Hottest NBA Players)

Look, you guys don’t come here for political stuff, you can follow me on twitter for that.

Let’s get into the juicy stuff. Fuck Donald Trump.

5. Victor Oladipo

Victor Oladipo is classically handsome. Put this man in a suit, he is the perfect wedding date. Throw some lulu joggers and a hoodie on him, he is the perfect lunch date. Handome when he is serious, even more handsome when he smiles.

The cherry on top, I am told he has the voice of an angel and released his own album. What can’t this man do?

4. Blake Griffin

I mean, c’mon. Excellent vibes with this dude. Everyone loves a funny guy, and Blake is VERY funny. Not to mention hot. 10/10 would let him jump over me.

Blake also has excellent post-career potential whether it be acting or some kind of NBA analyst job, so if you want to be with Blake, you’ll be with a busy man.

3. Damian Lillard

Daddy Dame. What else needs to be said. I’ve long contended he is the cutest boy in the state of Oregon at any given time, but is he the hottest? We’ll have to wait and see.

Dame has it all. The looks. The serious demeanor when you need it, but clearly a fun side. This man will never cheat on you. He is possibly the most loyal NBA player to his city, and I trust he would treat you the same (sorry fellas, he’s taken). Dame is also a successful rapper and has a broad array of investments that have set him up post-career.

Lastly, there’s just something so cool about people from Oakland. I don’t know what it is, but everyone who is from there is just freaking cool. When I say Oakland, I mean pre-gentrified Oakland. Sorry Tech Bros.

2. Kelly Oubre

He’s number two on my list of hottest NBA players, but I do think he is the cutest NBA player. I’d like to take him on a date and take pictures to post on instagram just so everyone knows we were together. He has that cool guy factor.

1. Gary Trent Jr.

Gary is on the up and up, and is officially the prince of Portland. A fashion icon. An elite three point shooter. Gary is having a moment, and we all need to stop and appreciate it. The hottest man in the NBA, all things considered. The vibe, the fashion, the cool leg sleeve tattoo, the hair, and the future all-star potential.

Gary has a stronger presence than some guys on this list. I’d let Gary Trent Jr. be my Daddy Dom. I’d let him make a unilateral decision on what is for dinner.

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Tell me on twitter who you think I left off this list, or if I messed up the order.